The Braden Files
Curiosities of mathematics, history, parachuting, etc……

Dear Barack Obama,

I received a scanned copy of a column by Will Manly of The Hays Daily News, a newspaper in Kansas. You know, the heartland? The people Barack Obama says turn to guns and church because they’re bitter? Well this old boy fired back with both small town barrels.

Dear Barack Obama:

I grew to like you over the last year.

I’ve always thought of you as dangerously naive at best. Eloquent, gifted, genuine, yes. But dangerously naive at best.

I couldn’t vote for you — but not because of your funny name or your lunatic pastor. I couldn’t vote for you because you say we should raise taxes (even on the rich, who I’m convinced already pay too much), and because you say we should abandon Iraq (which I’m convinced would be surrendering a war we must win), and because you don’t respect the Second Amendment (which I’m convinced should disqualify any politician from any office).

Still, I’ve liked your message of unity and your ability to inspire. And, since your rise I’ve hunted, quite frantically, for young conservative leaders with your talent. (To my relief, I found Bobby Jindal.)

And I’ve long said if you beat Hillary Clinton, you will have done your country a tremendous service. But anymore I’m having a harder and harder time rooting for you.

First came your wife’s comment about being proud of America for the first time — conveniently, right after you started winning primaries. Then came your own words about your grandmother, who is just a “typical white person” — a racist, or at least someone with racist tendencies. (I’m a “typical white person,” I suppose, and I’m no racist. In fact, little makes me angrier than when it’s insinuated I am.)

Sometimes people say things they don’t really mean. But this is a pattern.

Last week, we heard your comments about small-town America. Someone at a San Francisco fundraiser asked you why it’s so hard for Democrats to win in rural areas. You said:

“You go into some of these small towns in Pennsylvania, and like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing’s replaced them … So it’s not surprising then that they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them …”

Is that a minority? HEY CLETUS, GET THE GUN! (If only we had a job to go to, some time in the last 25 years …)

Here’s a thought: Maybe gun rights voters know gun control laws kill people and steal freedom.

Here’s a thought: Maybe some of us have moral objections to an immigration system that forces rule-followers to wait decades for legal status, and rewards border-violators with amnesty.

Here’s a thought: Maybe some Americans cling to their church because their pastor is a nice person, because they find love there, because there they have something they can believe in.

Here’s a thought: Maybe, just maybe, us simpletons in small towns find it harder to be bigoted than all o’ y’all cityfolk. Maybe, in small towns, where everybody knows your name — and how hard you work, if you pay your taxes, how well you treat your neighbors, how often you volunteer in the community, and whether or not you’re a good parent — people see the content of your character, so they don’t give a hoot about the color of your skin. (But I grew up in a small town where about a third of the population is of a different race than me. What do I know?)

And here’s my favorite thought of all: Maybe small-town folks are — really — capable of thinking. All on our own.

You’re wrong about why small-town Americans don’t vote for Democrats.

We don’t vote for Democrats because we’re self-reliant so we don’t like the government trying to “solve” everything for us. And because you tell your rich friends in San Francisco that we’re dumb. And because, each election, whichever one of you is running for president traipses all over the country telling us you have all the answers, that you’re the one on our side, that you understand and respect our way of life.

But each time, a little bit here and there slips out — and by the end of the campaign, we can tell what you think about us. And we manage to learn who you really are.

And we see you’re just a horse’s ass.

Will Manly
The Hays Daily News


Military aviator heaven

  • Everybody’s a Lieutenant, except God. He’s a General or Admiral (as the mood strikes him).
  • You only come to work when you’re going to fly.
  • You fly three times a day, if you wish, except on Friday.
  • You never run out of fuel.
  • You never run out of ammo.
  • Your missions are one hour long (or longer if you desire) and no briefings are ever required.
  • Sorties are air- to- air or air- to- ground, your choice.
  • You shoot the gun on every mission.
  • There are no check rides.
  • It is always VFR, and there are never any ATC delays.
  • You can fly out of MOA and down to 10 feet AGL, if you want.
  • There are no ‘over G’s.
  • The airplanes never break.
  • Never any Fatals…I mean……you’re already there.
  • There are never any duty officer assignments.
  • You always fly overhead landing patterns with initial approach at 120 feet, then break left.
  • You can go cross country anytime you desire——the further the better.
  • There are no ORI/UEI’S
  • There are no flight surgeons
  • There are no Staff jobs.
  • There are no additional duties
  • Friday Happy Hour is mandatory.’Happy Hour’ begins at 1400 hours and lasts until 0200+ hours.
  • The bartenders are all big bosomed friendly blondes.
  • Beer is free, but whiskey costs a nickel.
  • The bar serves only Chivas Regal, Jack Daniels and Beefeaters….plus 500 kinds of beer.
  • The girls are all friendly and each Aviator is allowed three.
  • Country and Western music is free on the jukebox.
  • You never lose your room key and your buddies never leave you stranded.
  • The sun always shines, and you can put your hat in your pants pocket.
  • Flight suits are allowed in the “O” Club at all times.
  • The BX always has every item you ask for, most being free.
  • There are never any crosswind landings, and the runways are always dry.
  • Control tower fly-bys for wheels-up checks can be made at 600 kts.
  • There are never any noise complaints.
  • Full afterburner climbs over your house are encouraged.
  • Fitness reports always contain the statement , “Outstanding Officer.”
  • Functions requiring “Mess Dress” never occur.
  • All Air Traffic Controllers are friendly and always provided priority handling.”
  • “Ace” status is conferred upon all Aviators entering Heaven.
  • AND…….YOU NEVER HAVE TO GROW UP!!!!
George Carlin’s solution to save gasoline
  • Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants!
  • That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down.
  • Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the Border.
  • When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq.
  • Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve a tour in the military.
  • Give him a soldier’s pay while he’s there and tax him on it.
  • After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country.
  • He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot.
  • This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves.
  • If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo.
Problem solved.
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